Fly Like Paper
by The Reader that Never Was
Summary: Riku is an eccentric, famous model. Sora is his asshole, nobody brother. Sora feels the need to breed, and Riku plans to help him out. SoKai Romantic Comedy.
1. Chapter 1

Meet Riku. We look absolutely nothing alike but come from the same womb. Somedays I want to kill him completely out of envy, and some days he's the perfect shoulder to lean on. He's a good guy and has a big heart, but sometimes can be a little conceited. Not that he doesn't completely earn it, I mean the dude is pretty hot. Fuck off, he's my brother and this sure as hell isn't gonna be a incest story. Girls come far and wide to just take a peek at him, as he's been on the cover of every magazine to article from PEOPLE ISLEWATCH, ISLESTYLE, to BELLE. If it's a magazine, Riku's probably been a feature on it. Why he stays here in Destiny Islands…. I'll never know. Enough about him, where's my intro? I'm the main character here!

Finally. The name is Sora. I'm 19 years old, got brown hair, blue eyes, yadadada you know what I look like. I've been single for damn near most of my life and don't really have a problem with it. It's a shame though... the gene that gives luck for the ladies apparently skipped me and was all sucked into my idiot brother. Yeah, I'm not a nice guy. If you fall, I'll probably laugh at you. But when shit goes down, I'm always there to pick you back up. Maybe I'm not perfect, but hell, who is?

So Riku, my 'twin' brother. Sure I've thought about using him. Don't look at me like that, you know you would too. Do you know how desperate those savages are just to smell a lock of his hair? They'd do virtually anything to get to him, including taking advantage of me. Not that that's ever happened before…

Not until today.

* * *

"Sora, get your ass up. You've been sleeping in every day this summer, it's time to get a life."

"Mffmmmtoootiredmmmm" I replied, turning back over to the warm side of the bed. Suddenly, the warmth was gone, and I immediately reverted to the fetal position.

"WHERE IS IT? MY PRECIOUS! IT'S OURS AND WE WANTS IT!" I growled and lunged for the thief who stole my blanket.

"Whoa, chill out Gollra. Take your blanket back, but be ready in five because I'm dragging your ass out of here if I have to!" Riku scolded while making his escape out the door. I rubbed my eyes and begrudgingly got ready.

"Stuid Riku thinks he can get me up early…." I looked to my clock, verifying that I was woken up before 3pm. "That dick."

A small brawl over the last bowl of Paupu Puffs and a groggy shower later, the two were headed off.

"Jesus Sora, I see now in the sun you're even paler than paper now. We're going to the beach so you can get some pigment back," Riku teased behind his wayfarer glasses. He unlocked the door and jumped in his sports car. I stopped immediately.

"Oh no. No, no, no, no. I'm not dealing with beaches or stupid fucking publicity. And for the record, just because I don't go to the tan salon every day," Riku pulls down his glasses and winks, "doesn't mean I'm the weird one here!" I defended. He then sighs and pulls his glasses off.

"Listen dude, I know you've been cooped up in the house far too long for your own good. And honestly, I blame myself for that. Dealing with paparazzi isn't fun, but you have to bite the bullet if you wanna live a little!"

I gave him a shit-eating grin and got in the car.

"Yeah, it is your fault isn't it. I'm terrified of those assholes…. and the girls especially," I muttered at the end. Riku abruptly stopped the car and looked over at me.

"Wait a minute. Is that why you've been so weird lately? My baby brother is growing up!"  
"Shut up dude. It's not funny," I eyed the people honking behind us, "Let's just go already, you're holding up the damn traffic."

"Oh, whoops." Riku waved his hand out the window and continued driving, "Anyways, this is perfect! The beach is the best place to pick up chicks!" I simply sighed while Riku went on and on about different rules and etiquettes. When he goes off like this, it's best to pretend to listen and nod your head because there's no convincing him to stop.

After what seemed like an eternity of babbling, we finally stopped in the parking lot.

"...case that happens, then its a bro-code 3 in which case you don't panic, just warn every one of your friends and get the hell out of there. You got all that, sunshine?" I nodded and proceeded to dread the next three hours of my life.

"Wait a second, how am I supposed to talk to a girl when they'll be all smothering you?" I asked triumphantly. Now there's no way I have to do anything. I'll just let the crowd do the work for me.

"Don't worry, I thought this might happen one day, wait here!" Riku commanded and ran to his trunk. After some scuffling around and some odd noises, he returned….wearing a fire hydrant suit.

"Ta da! Now people can't recognize me on the beach! It's the perfect disguise! Here, take this communicator." I looked him up and down, then shook my head. Nope. This is definitely real life.

"Are you for real right now? I knew you were stupid, but this is a special kind of stupid! How are you supposed to be 'undercover' when there are no freakin' fire hydrants on a beach! Jesus. You know what? I'm just gonna humour you." I slapped the comms unit in my ear and gave Riku a thumbs up.

"Alpha Hydrant to Key of Destiny, do you read me? Over!" Riku crackled over the mic as I walked away.

"Riku, just shut the fuck up. I'm gonna find a nice tree to relax under, alright?" I growled, walking closer to the entrance of the beach.

"Good idea! There'll be tons of chicks in the shade cooling off after a long tan!" the hydrant responded. I simply shook my head, and gasped at the sight.

Perfect 10's. Fucking. Everywhere.

**AN: Alright if it isn't blatantly obvious yet, this is just a comedy fic just to get me back into the habit of writing. This is completely un-edited laziness that I spewed out in less than an hour. If I get ten reviews maybe I'll write another chapter but if not I'm scrapping it and giving my other fics some much needed love. If you noticed my writing style changed, don't panic. I have different styles for different types of stories.**


	2. Chapter 2

The beach. Ah, what a stereotypical place to pick up girls. I would have thought Riku was better than this, but then again he doesn't really have to try anyways. To my dismay, the weather was perfect and there couldn't be any more people packed here.

"Pst, go on! Remember what I told you and good luck!" Riku whispered and waddled away comically. People turned to look and simply shook their heads. Guess no one really cares about a walking fire hydrant.

"Whatever, I'll show that asshole for dumping me off here..."

Looking around, I walked along the edge of the grass and sand where the least amount of people were. The sun was being annoyingly bright reflecting off the sand, almost blinding. Next thing I know, I'm falling… and faceplant into something squishy and soft.

I know what you're thinking you perverted freak, but it's a god damn beach ball.

"Hey brah, pass the ball back, ya?"

I looked over and saw a built jock with weird-ass orange hair in a muscle shirt waving towards my direction. There were a couple others surrounding him in a formation around a makeshift volleyball net. I quickly dusted myself off and tossed the ball back, embarrassed as all hell now that everyone was looking my way. Just as I turn to head back for the parking lot, someone nudges me.

"Hey, are you sticking around for a while? We're missing a player and our team could use another boy."

I turned around and was dumbstruck. A girl with red hair in a pink bikini and white sunglasses was talking to me. What do I do? Should I breathe through my mouth or my nose? My breath probably stinks. So probably my nose. Did she notice how white I am? Oh god, she must think I'm a loser. _WhatdoIsaywhatisgoingonwhatdoIdo_

"HELLOOOO?" she drawls, waving her hand in front of my face. I simply stared without saying a word. _I've gone from asshole to putty in a five second span._

"Ugh, this guy is an idiot. Never mind, come on let's keep playing guys. That dumbass can't even walk straight let alone hit a ball," the fire-head sneered. The others with her gave apologetic looks as she started walking back to the court. I simply gawked like the idiot she called me and shook my head. I thought being that rude was only in movies... for fucks sake, are we back in high school here? I stomped my ass back to her and gave a piece of my mind.

"Listen here bitch, just because I was blinded by you doesn't mean I'm an idiot or a dumbass. Give me that ball!" I shouted as I snagged the ball. I threw the ball high, aimed for the target and fired as hard as I could. The ball rocketed far, far, far, far… and landed five feet before the net.

"Bwahahaha, that was the worst serve I've ever seen! You're right, you're not a dumbass, you're a weakass!" the witch-bitch cackled. By this point I went from rage to complete embarrassment. Just as I started to walk away, someone called out to me.

I turned and shouted angrily "Listen, I don't wanna hear anymore of your….." I stopped in mid sentence.

"Oh, sorry about Kairi, she doesn't get along with newcomers much…." a girl with mid-length blonde hair and a white bikini with pink sunglasses and a familiar looking bracelet stood in front of me. Am I having deja vu or something? Or is my mind playing tricks on me?

"Uhhh… so you don't talk much. Well anyways, I should probably head back…"

"WAIT!" I shouted, grabbing her wrist. "I noticed your wristband…. do you like Riku's fashion line?" I asked confidently. I have a plan, and it seems like I hit the jackpot, her eyes lit up like nights at Epcot.

"Yes, I do! I love everything he's made, they all have their signature style and make a statement every time I wear them!"

"Oh, heh, that's funny because…" Wait hang on, what the hell am I doing? I can't spill the beans that he's my brother… Or maybe… I can drop some hints…

"Did you know that he's deathly afraid of chipmunks? Or that if someone plays California Gurls he won't be able to function unless he sings the whole thing through?" I spouted off at lip numbing speeds. Namine stared for a moment, then started laughing hysterically.

"What in the world? That's ridiculous, even if that was true, how would you know that?" she asked between breaths.

"I...uhh…." _Think of something idiot! _"I'm his chauffeur." _Seriously? That's all I got?_

Namine raised her eyebrows. "Oh, really now? If you were his ride, that must mean he's here, right? I think I would've spotted the crowd by now…"

"NAMINE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO THAT JERKOFF FOR?! GET BACK IN THE GAME" an angry fireball interrupted. Namine sighed and turned back to me.

"Looks like I'm needed… I'd like to believe that you know my Riku, but I don't think I have that much trust for a total stranger."  
"I can prove it." _I can? Oh yeah, I can! _I quickly pulled out my phone and showed her my wallpaper. It was a photo of Riku driving his car with me in the passenger the day he got it.

"Oh wow, that's really awesome! But if you're his chauffeur, why aren't you driving?" she questioned. This time, I don't think the truth could hurt.

"It was the day he bought his new car, naturally he wanted to take it for a spin first," I answered. Namine shook her head.

"I just can't believe he's here then! Do you think I could meet him? Please, please, please?" she begged, dragging her knees into the sand.

It was absolutely despicable.

But I might as well get this over with for my own sake.

"I suppose… But we should probably meet up somewhere else, the beach won't cut it. It's way too crowded here."

"Oh yeah, sure! Please take my number, text me whenever you and Riku get a chance to hang out!"

* * *

"You did it. You actually did it! You got a girls number, congrats little bro!" Riku shouted, slapping me on the back.

"Ah, it was nothing really…"

"No, this is awesome! I think we should throw a party! That way you can have an excuse to invite that girl over!"

Parties. I hate parties. But, this does allow me to hang out with Namine and have Riku there not incognito this time.

"Hmm… alright sounds good to me. But you have to do me a solid."

"Yeah, sure. Watcha need cocoa bean?"

I slam my fist on the counter. "Okay, I need two things. Number one, never call me that again," I deadpan. "And two, I want to do this on my own, so from now on, I'm your chauffeur if anyone at the party asks."

Riku smiles. "Yes for the second one. Not making any promises on that first one."

I scowled, then jumped when my butt vibrates. Huh, that's weird. I don't text anyone other than Riku, so who the hell is texting me?

_Text From: Unknown_

_heyyy, its nams, girl from the beach yea hi. just wondering when we're all gon meet up?_

What the fuck. She gave me her number, I never gave her my number.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, who's textin ya?" Riku shrilled, poking his nose into my phone.

"No idea," I reply, ripping my phone away from his prying eyes. Inwardly, I'm freaking out. This has got to be some crazy stalker chick if she got my phone number out of thin air like this.

_How did you get my number?_

…

…

…

…

_Third grade stuff, I took a picture of you when you weren't looking and cross referenced it with Mooglebook. I narrowed you down to about ten different profiles and tapped into Mooglebook's database and retrieved your number from there._

…

_So when are we meeting?_

…

_Hello? Sooora?_

…

…

_SORA?_

…

…

_SORA!_

* * *

I think I'm starting to get an idea of how crazy Riku's fangirls really are. As my phone slowly sank to the bottom of the sea, I began to contemplate if using Riku to get chicks was advantageous. So far, I've been forced into somewhere out of my element, ridiculed by jocks, and stalked by a crazy blonde.

I sigh as the sun slowly descended, casting prolonged shadows across the docks. Maybe I should just give up and be a meninist. After all, a strong man don't need no girl. I always have my hand, and my hand…

"Finally," a woman bellowed from behind. Startled, I scrambled off the side of the dock and my eyes immediately widened.

"I've been looking for you."

* * *

**AN: Awwwwllllright well I didn't exactly get ten reviews, but I don't really care anyways since about 100 people read the first chapter, that's good enough for me. But if you feel soooo inclined...please review and give me your feedback! I'm always looking to improve, give me your worst! And... maybe some praise? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

"Crikey, look wha' we 'ave 'ere! Right in front of us we see the Sorasaurus in his natural habitat, the common bed. These creatures can be found spending 12-16 hours a day sleeping 'ere. The furniture is an essential part of their ecosystem as they sometimes even eat or spend their free time 'ere. On rare occasion when they need to… Oh bugger all, the beast spotted me!"

The 'beast' promptly outstretched his hand and grabbed the Sorasaurus Dundee by the collar.

"As you can see, these animals are extremely dangerous. One needs to exercise extreme caution when disturbing them, as…" Eager to interrupt the documentary, I slapped a hand over the Aussie's mouth.

"Riku, would you kindly shut the fuck up for a second. Do you know about what happened to me? I remember I was tossing my phone down into the sea, and then there was a voice behind me. Everything after that is a blank! Blech! What the hell! Did you just lick my hand?" I reeled my hand away from my older brother.

Riku dusted the imaginary dirt off his trousers. "Bruh. Calm down, I'll answer all your questions. And yes I licked your hand, you know how I don't like being touched. But first, let's get out of here. I hate hospitals,"

I crossed my arms with the utmost amount of anger humanly possible. "Try staying in one for almost two months like I just did. I don't understand why I was kept here so long, I was fine and healthy… I don't know… almost two months ago!" I shouted, arms flailing now.

"Dude, seriously, you're giving me an ulcer just looking at you. Take a chill pill and come with me, I know I've got some explaining to do. Actually, before that, I brought you some street clothes. Hospital gowns aren't very stylish and I can't be seen with you in those," Riku winked. The nerve of this asshole, I swear. Fine, I'm playing along too.

"Fine… just as I started taking a liking to these things too. I hardly have to unzip or de-pants myself when I need to go to the bathroom, they're pretty convenient!" Riku laughed and threw my clothes on the bed in response.

"Alrighty, get dressed and I'll meet you outside the room. We've got a big day ahead of us," the silverette commanded, and strode out the door.

"Tch. What a drama queen."

* * *

This Starbucks wasn't unlike any other Starbucks. Minimalist modern architecture with walls covered with forgettable coffee-colored quotes and designs. You got your Apple hipsters, white girls gossiping, and the grumpy old people in the corner. Yes, everything was just normal. Besides the guy in the fire hydrant suit.

"Has this really become your default 'Riku in hiding' disguise?" I drawled with a bored tone.

"And what if it has?" he defended. "It's comfortable and functional. The only drawback is the dogs that occasionally try to do their business," the idiot sniffed.

I smirked and rested my arms on the table. "Whatever, forget I asked. Let's get down to business." Riku's smile vanished. "First of all, why the hell was I trapped in that hospital for two months? When I asked the staff about being discharged, they told me I was being detained."

Brother took a long sip of coffee before answering. "Bottom line, you were on a hit list of sorts."

"Let me guess, this has almost nothing to do with me and is entirely because of you, right?" I groaned. Any sane person would have been shocked, but threats and violence have been commonplace around Riku. For a model/designer, he's very public about his… out of the norm beliefs. There are many people who commend him for his openness, but the downside is the enemies he created in the process.

"Unfortunately, yes. I'm sorry I got you mixed up in this. You know your big bro, always getting into trouble!" I rolled my eyes.

"Jesus, you sound like you came straight out of a terrible family sitcom. Alright, fill me in. What's the situation? Fanatics? Christians? Fangirls?" I rapid-fired.

"No, no, and sort-of. My sources believe it was an opposing model agency, The Heartbreakers." My face contorted in confusion.

"Heartbreakers? Never heard of em. They sound like a real sweethearts," I replied, sarcasm dripping from my pores.

"You could say that. They sure look it, I mean some of these chicks… wow…." Riku gushed with a disgusting expression on his face. I cleared my throat loudly and he broke from his reverie. "Erm, like I was saying, they don't exactly agree with my practices. They meant to capture you that night," he explained.

"Why would they capture me? What would that solve?" I questioned. Riku simply shrugged.

"I have no idea. Whether they were going to attempt to make demands or trade for some ransom money, it doesn't matter. Luckily Brutus was on guard when you were attacked, and he stopped the perpetrator from hurting you any further. Whoever attacked you unfortunately got away, but luckily left behind a clue as to who they were."

"You have your personal bodyguards watch over me? What the hell man! I mean I guess I appreciate it, but a warning would've been nice. What if I was doing something personal?" My face gets red, thinking of a reoccurring activity of mine involving a cave and some chalk.

"Hey, it saved your life didn't it? And yes I know about the cave drawings you fucking two year-old." My head hit the table. "Anyways, I needed to keep you somewhere safe for the time being since the attacker was still at large, so the hospital was perfect."

"Okay, I understand. I would've preferred somewhere that didn't reek of death and tomato soup but I guess it was your call," I deadpanned. "So, how did you know the attacker was associated with The Heartbreakers?"

"Ah, that's the best part! When Brutus ripped the perpetrator off of you, he ripped off a piece of clothing with it. After careful examination, I figured out that it was of Heartbreaker design!" Riku happily explained. I patiently waited for the rest. There… is more evidence, right?

"Is that it? You're claiming they're associated because the attacker was wearing their clothes?" I asked for confirmation. Riku simply nodded. I sighed deeply.

"So in other words, we have no idea who's responsible. Alright, I've heard enough. Let's get out of this dump. All this narration is exhausting and I want to sleep in my proper bed," I moaned.

"Ha. Of course you do. Sounds good to me, this suit is getting kinda sweaty anyways…" The hydrant reached into his suit and dialed a number. "Brutus! Hey! Bring the car around, would you buddy?" A series of grunts later and Riku stands up. "Alright, let's go. Brutus is right around the corner."

"About damn time," I grumbled as I tucked in my chair. We walked outside into the desolate street just as our Rolls Royce pulls up. Brutus rolled down the window, motioning for us to get in with a strained look on his face.

"Et tu, brut? You're not going to open the door for us today? Tisk, tisk. I thought you were more gentlemanly than that," Riku sassed sarcastically as he grabbed shotgun. I hopped in the back, shutting the door behind me.

A 9mm pistol was cocked to my left. "Nice to see you again, weakass. Brutus. Drive."

**AN: Whoooooooooah this fic went 0 to 100 real quick! Hello again. Sorry it's been so long, I've been on vacation in Florida. The two months in the hospital thing in the story was going to be a third-wall breaker as a reference to the two months I haven't updated, but I scratched it when I couldn't fit it in. I'm kinda making this story up as I go along so bear with me on this one hehe. It's gonna be a bumpy ride!**

**As always, please favorite or at least review. I love reading the feedback.**


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